Port Hope & small town living

Almost two years ago now, when deciding between a job offer and the potential of another, I made a list of pros and cons.  The biggest con?  Moving to Port Hope, Ontario.

Now this con had many associated cons: loneliness, isolation, nothing to do, no friends, etc.  However, the job itself had countless pros.  I sought advice from my parents, friends, and colleagues - past & present.  Finally one night - while drinking a glass of wine and eating olives and brie (I thought acting sophisticated might assist me in a grown-up decision) - I decided I would do it.  I would take the great job and move to Port Hope.

So, as of now I have lived in "PH" for 21 months, with 3 remaining until I make the move to what PH locals call "The Big Smoke" (Toronto).  The cons I considered in my decision process turned out to be true, especially in my first 6-12 months living there.  I was desperately lonely.  I was bored, I felt isolated, and while I was actually 23 at the time, I felt I must be 50+ because why else would I be in Port Hope?  (I'm being intentionally facetious, by the way).

My days were the same... wake up, walk to work, work, walk home, make dinner, eat, watch TV, go to bed, rinse, repeat.  The exciting days were when I needed to go to Metro for groceries or Shoppers for toiletries.  I only went anywhere I could walk to.

By the way, I'm not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me.  In fact, I'm sort of chuckling to myself thinking about how down I was back then...

On weekends, I would hop on the VIA after work and head to TO for a taste of the good life - friends, family, and things to do!  That's how I lived, day in and day out, and I still do, really, except for one important difference.

Within the first 6 months of living in PH I realized something significant - I wanted to drive.  I felt especially isolated because all I could rely on were my own two feet and the something-to-be-desired Port Hope VIA schedule.  In the winter I began to feel completely pathetic.  Why did I not know how to drive?  (If you want to know the answer and the detailed story, click here).  Every day I'd walk to work and stare at all the moving cars longingly.  Eventually I'd had enough; in early 2011 I started driving lessons and by the end of June I had my G2 and a car (HUBBLE!).

THAT is what I am most grateful to Port Hope for.  Seriously.  If I stayed in Waterloo or moved to Toronto in 2010, I can't tell you when I would've gotten my license.  PH made me feel an urgency to get it.  Once I got it and bought Hubble I could pick up and leave whenever I wanted.  I could drive to Cobourg for... whatever!  I could buy more groceries than I could carry.  It felt great!  It still does, and therefore I am grateful to PH.  It also made living alone in Port Hope more tolerable.  It really made a difference.

Also, something else that made PH tolerable, which happened early on was this: not being in school.  I remember one day after work, when my last online course was wrapped up, I came home, sat on the couch, and turned on the TV.  A few minutes later I realized that I hadn't been thinking.  It was as if my mind was floating above my body.  I was truly relaxing.  When I was in school, I wasn't the hardest working student in the class, but even still - school was always on my mind: the next project, the late essay, the upcoming exam... it was totally constant and unrelenting, so the feeling of leaving the office at 5:00 and being truly "done for the day"?  That was priceless.

That brings me to another thing - cable.  Oh my God, cable, you delicious luxury.  I had cable 3/5 of my years in Waterloo, but I didn't watch it a tonne, really.  However, with nothing to do and a job to pay for it with, I thought - might as well.  I've watched more TV in the past 21 months than maybe my whole life.  My favourite channel?  Probably OWN (the Oprah Winfrey Network).  I watch "Hoarders" on A&E, "Lifeclass" on OWN, and "Til Debt Do Us Part" on Slice.  I watch it all, and I love it.  I am grateful for cable.

There's also the alone time.  I often joke that I've gotten enough alone time while living in PH to last the rest of my life.  It's as if I've stock-piled it and now I'm all set.  It's been great though: quiet mornings with coffee and a book, reading before bed, cooking up a storm and having all the leftovers I could want, and of course, watching enough TV to rot my brain.  It surprises some people to know it, but I am an introvert through and through (MBTI = INFJ), and so the alone time has been very welcome.  In fact, I've loved it!  I'll always need alone time, but I'm okay with cutting down a bit...

Before I moved to PH, or maybe it was in those early days of living there, I considered (and discussed with family and friends) the benefits of living in PH.  Specifically, the financial benefits of living there while having my first real job.  For example, the costs of living are low: rent is low, gas is cheaper than TO, and most importantly, there's nothing to do and therefore nothing to spend money on.  My bank statements for weekdays alternate between Metro and Shoppers.  Exciting?  No.  Beneficial?  Yes.  More than low expenses though, it's been great to "become a grown-up", so to speak, in such a low-pressure environment.  I actually read my bills and speak to bank tellers, I've developed an understanding of my personal finances and have learned to be responsible.  It's been great and necessary to start me on my way.

That said, my desire for excitement has revealed that I'm willing to pay a premium for city living.

Which brings me to my last point... the greatest thing I've learned while living in Port Hope is that I'm not cut out for small town living.  It's like taking a course in uni and knowing you shouldn't major in the subject.  You could say the course was a waste of time or you could say that you learned something valuable... about what you don't want.  That's (just as) important.  That's how I feel about Port Hope.  I learned something valuable.  I learned that I need people and diversity, options and bustle, excitement and many restaurants.  I need them bright lights, long nights...

So there that is.  I've still got 3 months to go, so this may be premature, but i wanted the chance to reflect on my valuable experience in PH and to simultaneously get excited about my upcoming move and entering perhaps the next chapter of my life.

Posts to come -- how Oprah made me "get" Lady Gaga.

Happy St. P's & 2 films to see

Happy St. Patrick's Day, readers!  I hope you're out celebrating your Irish heritage or at least pretending to be Irish for the day.  Whether it's enjoying a green beer, fryin' up some spuds, or wearing a ridiculous shirt that says, "Kiss me, I'm Irish!", I appreciate your support of my heritage today.

Personally I celebrated today by finishing Frank McCourt's memoir, Angela's Ashes.  10 weeks into 2012 and 3 books down.  Only 17 more to go! ...Anyway, on to the point of this post...

As I mentioned in my last post, I recently saw two films that I think are really important:

1. Almost a year ago I saw that a documentary called "Miss Representation" was playing on the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN).  I was at my parents' house at the time so I PVRed it and then forgot about it.  Recently I was flipping through their PVRed shows and saw it there.  I was relaxing with my Saturday morning coffee, so I thought, why not?!  I spent the next two hours watching a documentary that really shook me.  In the simplest terms, the film is about the negative portrayal of women in the media and how that leads to a shortage of women in the government and other high-powered positions in the corporate world.
   
   A barometer for my world is my Facebook news feed.  I was an active volunteer in university in the LGBTQ community and as a result crossed paths with queer activists, feminists, and the like.  Now, my news feed is in large part made up of videos, articles, and personal statements about issues of homophobia, sexism, misogyny, etc.
   
   I am wholeheartedly against these things.  However, when they are the bulk of what I see on Facebook, I have become very desensitized and find myself with compassion fatigue.  So, I stop thinking about the problems and how they impact me and those around me.  When I sat down and watched "Miss Representation", it was like a smack in the face -- these are real issues!  There is a real problem!  I watched esteemed women like Condoleezza Rice, Lisa Ling, Rachel Maddow, and Gloria Steinem talk about this real issue, and I felt overcome with an urge to weep for women everywhere.  I know this sounds dramatic, but it felt dramatic!  I felt like I had totally forgotten that these are real problems affecting me and every female in my life and the world.  It was a wake-up call.  It was a very powerful & important film, and I strongly recommend it.
   
2. The day after I watched "Miss Representation", I went over to my sister's place for a delicious brunch and another engaging film.  She and I watched "We Were Here".  This doc is about the AIDS crisis in San Francisco in the 80s.  It really outlines the spread of the virus, both physically and also the social spread of information; from the early days hearing about the "gay cancer" to learning about potential meds to help those with AIDS.  The story of it all was told by artists prominent in the area at the time, individuals who had partners die of AIDS, and nurses who helped comfort patients in hospitals during their final days.  It was well-made, well-told, and emotional.  Another one I highly recommend.

Discovering T.O. #4

The 4th "Discovering T.O." post (preceded by this one and that one... oh, and that one, too) comes in perfect time as it can be paired with an exciting announcement:

I'M MOVING BACK TO TORONTO!!!
WOO HOO!!!!!!!

Where am I moving from?  Well, I've been living in the wee town of Port Hope, Ontario for the past (nearly) two years.  I moved here for work and it's been quite the learning experience -- I've definitely enjoyed elements of it, but the small town life is decidedly not for me... at least not long-term... but more on that in another post.

What do I mean I'm moving back?  Good question, because I haven't been living in Toronto for the entire time I've been keeping this blog.  I haven't actually lived in Toronto for nearly 7 years now.  Wow... time flies!  I lived in Waterloo for 5 years, and now Port Hope for 2.  I've spent tonnes of time in Toronto in between -- summer of '06, holidays, and every weekend since I moved to PH -- but I haven't really lived there.  As of July 1st, I'll be living there.  For real.

Beyond just living there, it'll be my first time living in Toronto on my own.  Any time I've lived in TO up until now it's been with my parents.  This will be Sugar & Gravy's first place of her own in Toronto.  That's about a million times better.

Anyway, I'll keep you posted during the moving process, but moving on...

Discovering T.O. #4

I get the sense that even if I live in Toronto for the rest of my life, there will always be places to discover.  My dad has lived in Toronto for almost his whole life, and my Mom for over 30 years, and they still find new places, so I'm optimistic.

Not this past weekend but the one before, I found two new spots I would recommend:

(1) Bar Volo -- as you likely know already, I'm an avid reader of Toronto Life.  In this wee town I live in, it's my little slice of Toronto, and it helps guide me in making my weekend plans.  They recently put out their annual "Where to Eat Now" issue, which includes a Restaurant Guide.  I love this guide.  I kept my 2011 edition at my office year-round and would mark it up with a highlighter (for the ones I'd been to) and mark with pencil the ones I wanted to go to.  

One of the hot spots according to the 2012 edition is Bar Volo, which I'd read about on websites and in other mags, so I figured it was worth checking out.  I went there for a few beers with a new friend and absolutely loved it.  It's obvious that beer and other alcoholic beverages is "their thing" because the options are endless.  It had a good vibe, relaxed atmosphere, and I really enjoyed myself.  Check it out -- on Yonge, between Bloor & Wellesley.

(2) The Power Plant -- This is another Toronto Life-inspired visit.  Way back when (November or December, I think), I saw an item in the TL events pages for an exhibition called: Coming After.  You can click the link to read more about it, but in short it focusing on artists who grew up in the shadow of the mid-1980s to early 90s' queer experience.  Artist Sharon Hayes puts it best: "What marks me generationally is that ... it wasn't my friends who were dying, it was the people I was just discovering, people I was just beginning to model myself after, people I longed to become."

The exhibition sounded great to me, so I snapped a photo of the ad and forgot about it.  

Later I was flipping through photos on my iPhone and found the ad.  I realized then that the exhibition was ending in about a week's time, so I asked a friend to join me, and on Saturday, March 3rd (the second-last day of the exhibition), we headed to The Power Plant (contemporary gallery) on the harbourfront to see what it was all about.  It was a really great exhibition; diverse media, powerful imagery, and some incredible video installations.  My best way to describe it is that I had never seen anything like it before.  I was very engaged, and would very much recommend it... if it wasn't already over.

Posts to come -- my experience living in a small town & two films I saw recently that I think are important.

"Uh, no, don't worry about it, no thanks."

Once again, I'm putting off my "Discovering TO" post by posting a video of Sharlene Chiu of MTV News (Canada) interviewing Die Antwoord.  I already liked Die Antwoord because of this video, but this interview sends the love to a whole new level. 


See the interview here (I tried to embed it to no avail).


Favourite moments: telling Lady Gaga "no, don't worry about it" when she asks them to open for her on tour, referring to pop music as incestuous, finding out that Die Antwoord loves Celine Dion.

What should we call me??

I've got a meaty post comin' at you sometime between today and Tuesday of next week, BUT...


In the meantime -- I'd like to introduce you to a site that makes me laugh harder than any other: http://whatshouldwecallme.tumblr.com/.


Thank me later.

What's the deal with rc-4???

So, I said a while ago that I thought I had already revealed rc-4 a.k.a. Reading Challenge #4.  As it turns out, I had written the post, but never posted it.  However, based on what I've read so far in 2012, I don't think my original plan for rc-4 is really going to work... Therefore I've got a better - but less exciting - idea.

So what?!  Who cares?!

Reading Challenge #4 is to read 20 books in the year 2012.
Yes, I know this was the challenge for rc-3 and 2011, but I didn't complete it and I want another go at it.

Why does my original plan no longer work?  Well, the original plan was to read up to 50% of my book collection, as I've realized that I've only read about 26% of my collection (sad, but true).  This is a great plan, BUT it means I'd need to read about 26 books this year (ambitious) AND so far the two books I've read are a new book I bought and another that I borrowed.  So... that's not gonna work.  I'm just going to go with 20 books this year, and - as always - I'll keep you posted along the way.

rc-4 so far...

1. What the Dog Saw by Malcolm Gladwell
2. When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris

Currently reading -- Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt

Posts to come -- Discovering Toronto #3 (though I write about the city all the time, this is the 3rd official Discovering TO post): The Power Plant & Bar Volo

~~~

Reading Challenge Summary:

1. Reading Challenge #1 was to read 8 books in a 4-month period.
2. Reading Challenge #2 was to read 8 books in a 4-month period... BUT 50% had to be fiction.
3. RC-3 was to read 20 books in the year 2011 (17/20 ain't so bad).
4. RC-4 is to read 20 books in the year 2012.

Sex and the City: In Review

When I told an acquaintance that I had just ordered the entire series of "Sex and the City" (SATC) on DVD, she was shocked.  She thought that SATC was a "hetero" thing, as in something that could only be enjoyed by heterosexuals.  That had never occurred to me.  And for the record, I don't like SATC because of Stanford and Anthony nor was I drawn in by Miranda's attempt at being a lesbian in season 1.  I love SATC because of the characters, the writing, the campiness, and a myriad of other reasons. 

I just love Sex and the City.

That's why I ordered it.  Over the years it has given me countless hours of enjoyment and pure entertainment, and I wanted to be able to experience that whenever I wanted.  When the package arrived, I squealed, and immediately started watching it.

Here's the thing - I've seen every episode of "Sex and the City", and I've watched many seasons in chronological order, but I've never sat down and watched the entire series from beginning to end.  However, that's what I've been doing over the past month or so, and it's time to share my thoughts, comprehensively.

I love Sex and the City because it is what it is.  You can make all the statements you want about what these women are, what their lives are, and what you think of them, but at the end of the day - the show is what it is.  It's a cross-section of a specific subculture of straight, single women in their 30s, living in Manhattan, and trying to find love (or not).  You can pick and choose how to relate to them (or not), but at the end of the day, it's entertainment.  It's witty and outrageous writing, occasionally laugh out loud funny, occasionally gut-wrenchingly emotional, but always entertaining.  It's taboo topics shoved right in your face; shocking you, exciting you, and making you think, "I thought I was the only one who did that!"  It's about seeing three very different women connected to one another by the anchor, Carrie Bradshaw.  Carrie is her own person but also an amalgam of the other three, wanting love, great sex, and also to make fun of it all!  It's unlikely that Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte would've ever met, never mind become lifelong friends, but somehow they are, with Carrie solidifying the group with her accessibility.  We can appreciate the revolutionary nature of SATC, we can relate to the characters, we can laugh at the jokes, and we can cry at the romance, but again - it just is what it is, and that's what I love about it.

I love Sex and the City because of what it did with the characters over 6 seasons.  Like any well-written and - let's face it - HBO show, Sex and the City steered clear of being linear and predictable.  Having watched it over and over again, I have come to really appreciate what it made the characters face.  

All Charlotte wanted was the perfect man and a family with him.  One day her white knight (Trey) arrived and things seemed perfect.  Then they got married... and it turned out he had a bit of an erectile issue.  Not so perfect.  Then that issue got fixed, and then it turned out that the one thing Charlotte felt destined to do - have kids - was an area she had challenges in.  In the end, they got divorced.  The dream of the perfect man and the perfect family?  It was not so perfect.  Then Charlotte, in the divorce process, ends up with her divorce lawyer -- a bald, chubby, Jewish man with a hairy back.  This was not the man we imagined Charlotte with, yet he is the one for her, and who doesn't love Harry?!

Samantha finally falls in love at the end of season 1 - something we didn't think we'd see her do.  James seems perfect and Sam loves him... until she realizes he has a very small penis.  She tries to make it work, but it doesn't.

Miranda - aside from Samantha - is the character we least expect to have a baby.  But lo and behold, she does, to Charlotte's dismay.  She treats Brady like an object/accessory a lot of the time, but then we see moments of tenderness, and can tell that against all odds, Miranda really loves her child.

 Carrie's looking for love and a man to marry, and she finds Aidan, who seems absolutely perfect.  Carrie wants so badly to want him and need only him, but despite him seeming to be perfect in every area, they're just not meant for each other.

This 4-5 examples and some of many of these kinds of moments on SATC.  You never get it spoon-fed to you on this show; you have to watch as the opposite happens of what you expected, and how the characters deal as a result.



I love Sex and the City because it makes your emotions run the gamut.  I thought to sum it all up, I'd list my top 5 favourite funny moments and my top 5 favourite emotional moments.  Here they are!

Top 5 Funny Moments

1. When Miranda calls Steve in season 6 to ask him on a date.  She leaves a voicemail, which she has carefully written on a notepad beforehand, but the whole thing ends up horribly.
2. When Carrie goes out to brunch with her new (not Stanford) gay friend, Stanford runs into the two of them and realizes what's going on.  He's wearing a bright green suit and shouts at Carrie, "I'm green with envy!"
3. Samantha grows out her pubic hair when Smith requests she do so, and to her horror she finds a gray hair.  She decides to dye it but it ends up bright red.  She declares to Carrie, "I'm bozo the bush!"
4. When Carrie finds out about Big's fiancee, Natasha, and to comfort her - in the way only friends can - everyone agrees that Natasha is a totally "bullshit name".
5. This one might only tickle me, but lastly, when Samantha dons a pair of reading glasses when looking at the menu at the coffee shop one day.  Carrie teases her, "Are those the ones you get at the drugstore next to the BenGay?"  Samantha looks indigant: "How dare you?  These are CHANEL!!!"

Top 5 Emotional Moments

1. When Charlotte has a miscarriage, she sits on the couch, not moving, not eating, and just looking miserable and depressed.  Then she watches an E! True Hollywood Story on Elizabeth Taylor and is inspired by her struggles.  She dons a gorgeous pink dress and emerges from her apartment to go to Brady's 1st birthday party.
2. When Miranda decides she'll try to believe in love after Big actually comes to meet Carrie's friends when Miranda figured he wouldn't, and so she runs outside and catches Steve in the rain and kisses him.
3. When Samantha ditches Smith at a party at one of Richard Wright's hotels to have sex with Richard.  She says, "You go play with your friends, and I'll play with mine." She goes on to have totally unsatisfying sex with Richard that leaves her feeling awful and dirty.  There is an amazing shot of her looking totally defeated in the elevator afterwards, and then the doors open to Smith sitting there waiting for her.  He says something along the lines of, "I just wanted to make sure you got home safe."  Sam bursts into tears and says, "I hate myself for doing this to you."  Then we watch Smith help her out of the hotel.
4. When Charlotte is at the Jewish singles night at the synagogue when her and Harry have broken up and she runs into him there and makes a declaration of her love and he proposes [this I could find a video clip for].
   
   
   
   
5. When Carrie wakes up to a post-it from Berger, reading: "I'm sorry.  I can't.  Don't hate me.", she emotionally and dramatically (and effectively!) knocks a vase of pink carnations off her table that Berger had brought her the night before.

FIN.